I did a lot of thinking about my past and my life this weekend...which got me thinking about the stuff that I used to write as a teenager. I've written poems and stuff ever since I can remember...I can remember writing my first poem at age 10. It was a pretty dark one because it was talking about my sexual abuse as a child. I read it now and the depth of the words I wrote amaze me. I guess you could say writing was therapy for me. It was always so much easier placing my thoughts and feelings on a simple piece of paper than it was to actually say them out loud. It was almost like...as long as I didn't say them aloud...no one would know that I was hurting.
I decided to pull out some of the poems I wrote as a kid and a teenager this weekend. And wow! It was pretty cool to see the difference in the writing from then to what I write now. You know what it told me? Over all of these years and all that I've been through in my life...my heart has stayed the same. Sure...my looks, my personality and my thoughts have changed...but my heart remained the same.
I still love with a fury...I'm still passionate about life...and I still believe in the good of people. I still believe that there's a reason we cross paths with certain people...a reason for good times...and also for bad. Most importantly...sometimes there is a reason for love to end...God has a plan for us...He has more for us to learn...more for us to experience...and more loving for us to do in this lifetime...
I just thought I'd share one of the poems I wrote as a teenager...I think I was about 12 or 13. It's pretty deep stuff for a teenager...it just proved to me that my heart has never changed...I still feel things just as deep as I did then...
A Trembling Rose...
As this seed blooms
into a delicate rose
I must be careful
of the world beyond
Beware the droplets
from the bleeding thorns
the stains of red among my heart
These beautiful petals resemble
a softness of thy skin
with a most tranquil touch
The thorns can cause
a waterfall of tears
rushing to drown thy sorrows
piercing my heart
The stem reveals
the length of this love affair
if so willing to last
As the rose desires water
to live a complete life
We may also long for
tender passion
to get through
today and tomorrow’s
winding road and discoveries
As the rose waits
for its day to come
its last breath of life
I feel the sorrow
and the torture of this
trembling rose
As I await the departure
of thy soul in love
wishing for infinity
Inspire-A-Footprint today...
Love, Tonia
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